Have you ever seen a country disappear Amerika?
by bye bye sora
Summary: America's vision of the last times spent with Soviet Union and following years ... I suck resuming this... but is basically slight soft... Implied RusAme


**Russia x America**

**America's vision of the last times spent with Soviet Union. I suck resuming this...**

**I own nothing besides my cat *O***

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><p>''Have you ever seen a country disappear Amerika?''<p>

There were they; it was the end of the cold war.

Many countries were present on that reunion and he, America, was beside Russia hearing very unpleasant words about their '_children fighting'_ as they said… Both though that they didn't understand, they just wanted to destroy each other… He was the Hero dammit… When finally he stopped WW2 the commie came and pissed him off… it was his fault for believing in such disgusting things! They were very shaky since that time on WW1 and that stupid commie had to do that…. Or maybe was not him… no… it had to be him… the Hero is not Gay of course! Could he be? Well… the commie was handsome…. In a very manly way, mind you!

They were hearing England talking about how dangerous for everyone it was and if they haven't stopped the war he didn't want to think about that… _typical_…. Let's say that's a bit overreacted… He just wanted the commie, but then his people developed hatred for Russians and the tension become higher and he couldn't stop it…

America found that meeting even more annoying that usual, being blamed for 'al the evil' is not pleasant at all, but he realised that this war have overcame his reason with so many deaths, hate, pain and sorrow. He never stop to think that maybe he could had avoid this…. He was afraid of stopping and giving _him_ the upper hand.

The meeting was over and he was on his room staring at the ceiling, it had became one habit, the difference was that this time he didn't hear voices and was anxious about the next morning, Russia would be no more Soviet Union. The problem was that he could not stop thinking about _that_ day, that meeting was so blurry…

_Their bosses got together and talked sending them to one room by themselves asking them to talk in a civilized way, Soviet Union didn't wanted to talk, America could see on his fake smile and deep scary eyes, not that I was afraid of him of course, but still he had his gun near him. Their bosses settle their differences and with help of the other countries they became closer and decided to put one end to that madness and at the same time inside the room they were talking, not exactly, after a few words they were fisting each other, America brought his gun and Russia his pipe but both ended without weapons grabbing clothes, flesh and kicking in attempts to hurt each other. _

_''Russia!'' __America spoke trying to make the other stop, Soviet Union was more freighting that he wanted to admit and both were hurting badly each other. America tried to catch his gun but Soviet Union preferred to hurt the other with his own hands. Hearing his former country name he shoved the other away to the wall getting sick pleasure for the loud sound that came from that action._

''_My name is SOVIET UNION!'' Ivan said loud, clear and with a threatening look on his eyes. Tensions kept high and the hate that the citizens felt for each other were echoing on both minds. America gave a sneer sound before attacking him again._

_Soviet Union grabbed his hair roughly while America pulled his scarf tight around his neck 'oh ironic… killed by his own scarf…' Alfred thought smirking to the other feeling the unpleasant burn on his scalp threatening many hairs to be yanked, but everything stopped, the voices on both minds were silent and deep purple met deep blue sky for seconds. Neither of them broke the gaze and when they realized they were kissing each other biting and bruising lips passionately pulling the other closer and closer in an intimate moment that both needed desperately and didn't knew. _

_Soviet Union was the first braking the kiss flushed and slightly panting with a concern frown on his face and shoving one confused and flustered American away._

_Both stay in front of each other not meeting eyes trying to process what had happened and the voices were lower, could it be? They were really ending the war? America looked to Soviet Union and noticed for the first time that he was not all mighty, no, it looked like he was in pain, was the kiss?_

America still debated that moment when the Russian left the room and neither of them talked about that kiss, of course the Russian was even more conservative than himself, he should have known better, but still he always was found of Lithuania and China and they were both males., well, _girly_ males… but that scenario didn't left his mind and guilt was there for some reason. He knew he would be one of the ones breaking the Soviet Union, but the guy was creepy, maniac even insane so he was just breaking the villain right?

The meeting begun early and he haven't slept still he had to talk so he put his notes in front of him and read them again realising that the Russian stood in the other side of the table leaving him front view from his fall… how nice… now he felt somewhat smug from being the one able to stop the other.

The missile crises was discussed leaving some countries not very happy, himself was not happy, but was one of the reasons the war ended and he felt relieved that no one was pointing fingers at him again… He stared to the Russian in front of him, his everlasting smile on his face, a creepy aura around him and dull purple eyes, something was missing, his craziness was still visible but he didn't move or talked just stared to the person talking and making demands. England was the one describing the demands, some pretty cruel for both countries then he focused his attention to the Soviet Union.

''You will return the countries their lands, provide them protection, help and money to their people.''

Soviet Union nodded in agreement not letting his small smile fade away or even show how much pain one country feels when his divided.'' You will also have to forget every single national secret of those countries promising not using whatever you still reminds after your dissolution…'' England tone was neutral and a bit cautious; he and many other present countries had already being obliged to lose territory and be part of this act.

The room stood silent, deathly silent waiting for Soviet Union.

''I promise…'' He spoke sheepishly not even bothering to use his childish voice in a loud tone.

For some reason America couldn't help feeling guilty and stressed by this meeting even knowing it was for the best he could sense that every country was against Soviet Union and his 'Hero complex' was not helping.

''You may say your last words as Soviet Union now.''

He didn't say a word, kept staring at nothing smiling, fists closed on the table not making one single attempt of talking while resigning himself to silence.

''I think he should be able to talk with who he wants one last time don't you agree _Angleterre_?'' France, naturally notice his failed attempt of making words or try to make them and decided to give him one chance to say goodbye. This was a point of rupture and he would never be the same after this.

''Yes.. sure… You will have 15 minutes then… ''

Countries stood up and formed groups waiting, always with one eye on the Russian interested in see the people he wanted to speak first.

He stood up and went to the shaking Baltic's murmuring something that let them relaxed but then he left with some last words that made them very uneasy and shaking deeply again. He tried to talk to Hungary and some more countries to be dumped or merely receiving no response, five minutes passed.

He sat on his chair staring deeply to the American that was talking to the Canadian wanting to say goodbye to his former enemy. Reluctantly he stood and walked to him waiting for Canada to go away, noticing him for once.

''What do you want Soviet Union?'' his tone was more brute that he wanted but he didn't back down receiving gazes from most of the countries especially England, France and Canada that were near enough to prevent some 'mistake' from happening but not near enough to hear what they were saying, even if France tried his best to listen the juicy bits.

''Have you ever seen one empire collapse?'' His voice was low and dangerously close to his normal voice, one voice that he had the '_pleasure_' to meet during the cold war.

''No… I haven't…''

''So young…'' Russia almost giggled but his giggle was broken and sad not leaving completely his throat ''I do not want you to watch this… please…''

He was taken back for this request, he was expecting to see his enemy collapsing in front of him and more, he never expected the other to ask him this politely. ''I… why?''

''A falling country is not a very pretty picture to see,'' He ignored the curiosity look on the other ''I will reborn and probably keep my memories, but the last words will be blurry and I may or may not remember them… '' he sighed and continued, ''I want you to know it was a pleasure fight against you and I would not want any other country to be in your place _Amerika_.''

He was about to turn around and leave when America grabbed his arm standing to meet him feeling even more guilty ''I … am sorry.''

The other stared at him smirking, there it was Soviet Union, that evil smirk even not showing his dark aura could never be forgotten; but had he said anything wrong? Why the other was smirking?

''You are not _my_ hero _Amerika_… I do not need your pity.'' he shook his sleeve freeing himself from the other light grip turning to talk lastly with his sisters that were pretty distant from him.

America didn't understand, he stood staring at nothing trying to understand but couldn't._ Was he mad at him? Wanted to make sure he said that as his last words? Words of hate? Did he still hate him that much?_ A voice made him come to reality was France and as it seems he heard the last words for the look on his face. _Serious, different from his usual smile._

''It was not Hate _Amerique_, it was sadness… you will understand better when you're older _mon cher_…'' he whispered to him wary that England and Canada were also hearing the conversation.

All he could do was ask and stare, he was not that naïve and young, no matter what he said he was the Hero… ''How do you know?''

France shared looks with England making both looking very perturbed, but more France for some reason.

''I just know… trust me… he won't even remember them… you should not think about it…'' France left then to his sit, the fifteen minutes were gone and he just sat waiting for England to speak again.

''Now Russia, is everyone allowed to watch or you want to keep it between you and the respective countries?''

''I do not wish people to watch… especially _Amerika_ if you could make that noisy capitalist away from this room I would appreciate. '' He smiled acting like he hadn't said nothing wrong and England nodded sending the other countries away.

Russia was already notably bending in pain and Belarus helped him standing putting her arms on his chest. ''Brother..''

Most of the countries were already gone but America was waiting, he wanted to see the most he could and kept staring at the brothers in front of him.

''Natalia don't…'' his sister just opened his coat revealing one pool of blood that made America flinch and wide his eyes.

''Where is your heart brother?'' He smiled ''Is safe…. You shouldn't expect me to use it on wars Natalia…''

His biggest sister Ukraine stood there half crying half trying to join the countries around Russia.

When America came to understand properly what was happening he was being dragged by France and England from the room, he still was slow due the war and even more because he was one of he countries that never saw such event happening. It was not fair, he only knew that was painful and countries change, he wanted to know more…

''_Non Amerique_…''

''Respect his wishes, even if he doesn't deserves it….'' England said not letting France speak.

''What will happen?'' he asked and then was abruptly aware of screaming and sobbing noises filled with pain inside the room, the countries wanted to make it quick.

America tried to run to the door, he couldn't let them get revenge, that was not fair and he was the hero even to the commie but was stopped by 3 countries, Canada was there too, he haven't seen him before, haven't him? He hugged his brother, refusing showing his face to the other two ''Matt…. Is not fair… I also took part of this madness…. '' his brother hugged him tightly and spoke in his most comprehensive voice ''Calm down Al… Is not your fault, he did this to himself and there's nothing you can do…''

''_You are not my hero Amerika!'' _the voice echoed in his mind, it all made sense now, he could never be the hero to his nemesis, he could never help the other, was that why the other ran away?

_They haven't celebrated like their bosses that drank and laugh together on that table filled with hopes and post war ease, it haven't all ended but they were so optimist it all make the two countries at ease themselves. America was not hearing voices again and Russia become freer from his Soviet persona taking some lead on his body and mind again. They drank a bit too much, both fighting boredom from political and economical talks and ended near America's room ravishing each other mouth and hair, visible erections rubbing each other through the tent of their pants. But Russia stopped said he was very sorry and walked away murmuring something he didn't catch._

''I need to ask him… I need to go inside!'' Alfred stared to the door as asking himself if he really wanted to do that moments after realising the door was opening with countries visible stronger and relaxed leaving the room. Only his sisters stayed to leave him home and left him there.

Lithuania gave him a look but he did not catch the meaning behind it. Then he entered the room but they asked him to leave and Ukraine even told him that they were leaving as soon he was conscious again.

He tried to peek but only saw a body on the floor. Russia.

-ooo-

Moths passed and he hasn't heard a word from Russia, he only wished he was on the meeting but he failed it.

Time passed and everyone moved on, Russia kept distant and becoming stronger after such hard fall, America also became again a respected country even if the others still think he's weird.

Many rumours say that Russia keeps to himself one cruel side and deals with voices and judgement lacks from the civil war that aggravated with the cold war, too much together made him slightly crazy and Alfred had the chance to meet his bipolar displays more than once. During the cold war the other was not himself any more and his usual creepiness, as he would call it, become twisted and cruel while he didn't care for his own people and that for a country means that is a lost soul, a lost country and many fell in that way.

He finally had the chance to see him again, in a meeting because England kept saying if he messed things up every effort of peace could be ruined among other arguments, he decided to follow them, but the first thing he noticed was that his childish voice and ever-present smile kept on him and his eyes were no longer dark glassy and dull purple which meant he was again using his heart and being himself, for some reason that fact made him feel better and later one conversation between 'comrades' sharing drinks made clear that Russia doesn't remembers the last day of Soviet Union neither the 3 moths that followed it. Maybe, just maybe that means that America can try to be his friends again or he laid so spare him.

Relations kept growing between the two, he missed the other, he almost forgot how fun it was to be with him and he was honoured and sweet on his twisted way. One day he realised that was good having the 'old' Russia back, his first crush actually, not that he would ever admit it. Perhaps someday they could give it a try if the other didn't disappear… he would give everything to see what happened… stupid commie, asking if he had ever seen a country disappear and then not letting him watch, not fair, he would get his way and make him regret, not that he holds any grudge he just was curious and besides if one of them disappears will be the other fault, he liked that thought.

''_America…. You will be my ruin….'' Russia said smiling slightly drank amused by the blond American in front of him talking about hero's ''oh yeah? So you will be mine… that sounds fair! Ahahah''_

_-ooooooooooo-_

''Al… stop staring…'' The conference was on the middle and he had been lost in thought when he heard his brother calling him.

''To what? What is going on?'' He smiled cheerfully and started nipping on his burger again.

''You are staring at Russia… are you having wet dreams with him again?'' America almost choked on his food drinking his coca cola trying to swallow what was on the middle of his throat.

''What are you talking! I don't have wet dreams with the commie!'' he talked whispering looking around to be sure no one heard his brother 'why have I told him this… now he is always bringing this.. shit… ' he thought to himself meeting one smiling Canadian clinging on his bear, thankfully he was only heard by himself.

''That's not truth Al… if you think you two could have something why don't you try? We have the perfect love/hate relation as proof that it can work don't you think?'' he pointed to two fighting European countries ''and besides you seem to get well together… much better than them…'' he concluded and Alfred sighed looking to the said countries.

''You _twat_! Leave my bloody belt! That's not fair!''

''All counts in love and war _mon cher_! You just need to learn I always get what I want and my ideas better than yours _non_?'' England pressed his throat with one hand punching/undressing the other shirt 'till one very angry German with the company of a very angry Swiss stood up and made them stop.

''I should bring my gun to the meetings.'' the Swiss complained because security rules should not be allowed to fair countries like himself, or so he thought.

Alfred leaned and smiled to the Canadian finishing his soda ''I guess you are right… still I am sure that anyone can have one better relationship than those two…'' He smiled fondly at them then stared at deep purple eyes that were watching him making him shiver, maybe, just maybe he could give it a try and be the other's Hero now.

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><p><strong>Pfft…. Okay was awful… I need to write things when I have the ideas or it doesn't come as I want… still I hope people got the point ….<strong>

**edited because of some errors. just that.**

**thanks for reading.**


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